GET OUT THE VOTE - MID-TERM ELECTIONS 2018 - Lesbian Lunch Reviews the Candidates so you don't have to!!

September 25th, 2018 - SPECIAL EDITION

I am reminded today by the numerous attempts by the Internet that election time is soon upon us and we, as good citizens of the U.S. of Fucking A (AMERICA! FUCK YEA!!!) we should register, if we're not already, to vote and when the time comes, we should get out there and vote!!!

(If you are buried in any cemetery within the states of Illinois, Kansas, or Florida, don't worry, you're registered and your vote will be counted for whomever the governor says should get the vote!! Even in death, your vote matters!!)

To those readers outside the U.S. don't worry, you'll learn something in this issue as well, mostly that the United States might blow smoke up your ass saying it's the greatest country in the entire world but in reality, we're just as fucked up as you!!!

So, you've registered to vote and are wondering, "Now what?"

You get to vote for one of two, maybe more, cobras that you want to bite you, or represent you at the big house in the Land of Oz.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

No?

Lets begin.

Here in my state, we have a U.S. House (District 3) spot on the ballot. 

John A Yarmuth (Incumbent - that means he likes it up the butt a lot - and he's a Democrat which means he likes to give you icky candy when you go to his house on Halloween!! Kids, we don't like Democrats do we? "NO!!!")

John A. Yarmuth has just farted. 

Vickie Yates Glisson (no pictures taken of Vickie aparently but she's a Republican and you know what that means kids! "ICKY CANDY TOO!!!!" Yeah, we hate Republicans!! They smell funny and try to molest you when you're not looking!!!! They the Devil!!!!)

Gregory Boles (Another no photo please. Sometimes kids we get an L in the mix. These are known as No chance in Hell to win but hey look mom, I'M ON TV!!!! Libertarians are the Devil's anal toys!! "What kind of candy do they give out?" They don't, they give out toothbrushes!! "EWW!!" )

So let us delve deep into the candidates,  John A. Yarmuth was born in Louisville, Kentucky in 1947.

He's old!

He also likes to eat babies and devour their souls.

How do we know?

We've seen him doing it.

Vickie Yates Brown lives in Louisville, Kentucky. No birthday but she graduated high school in 1972 and college in 1976.

You know what that means, right kids?

"She works as a health insurance lawyer?"

Yep!!!

Gregory Boles is a mystery. Like his photo at Ballotpedia, his profile there is empty which means we get to go Google and see if we can find something to write about him (don't believe, GO LOOK!! https://ballotpedia.org/Gregory_Boles )

And the only thing we find is his "Website", at Facebook.  (https://www.facebook.com/GregoryBolesforUSDistrict3/ )  So. Uh.  Gregory Boles is running and welp, that's fine with us!!

(Psst. Gregory, I think you may want to hire a new campaign manager, your mom is senile and well, your brother died in 1982!!!! Yeah could be the wrong person, Google is sometimes scary about that!!!)

So now the real fun begins --- WHO TO VOTE FOR??

"Gin?"

Good answer kid!! Correcto!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!!

Breaking news - KAVANAUGH SUPREME COURT JUSTICE OR USED CAR SALESMAN?

(Would you buy a used car from this man?)

BRETT KAVANAUGH: a look inside the man behind the allegations

We here at Lesbian Lunch know when to jump on a story and we believe the time is now to jump on the band wagon and write our five cents on the nominee for supreme court justice.

Most times, these hearings are very boring, to the point we fall asleep at the first ding of the bell and wake up after hearing the words, HEY CLARENCE THOMAS, WE GOT A NEW SEX PREDATOR FOR YOU TO PLAY BRIDGE WITH!!!

I do know that being a justice is a big responsibility and being that the position is basically, TILL DEATH DO WE PART, it kind of nice to explore the background of a potential justice thoroughly, probably better than we vent our choices for presidents.

"Is he a serial killer?" IF YES, PLEASE MOVE ONTO THE NEXT CHOICE

So as of this writing, at least three people have stepped forward accusing Brett of some bad things.

Sexual assault among them.

When I was in school, I was taught that sexual assault ala rape and such were very bad.

"No try to stick your penis in someone who doesn't want it!" my teacher said before turning on the film, "NO TRY TO STICK YOUR PENIS IN SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT IT!!!"

It pretty simple of a motto but some people fail to follow it.

One of his accusers, Christine Blasey Ford, will testify Thursday in an open hearing.

This is good news. 

But there's people out there who say, "She's a liar!! Why didn't she report this 35 years ago when it happened?"

Maybe because she was too ashamed of having this event, even though it wasn't her fault, happen to her.

Maybe she was afraid people would call her a liar.

Maybe she is a liar and just wants to destroy this man's life and reputation.

Who knows but lets be given the chance to hear the evidence.

If it's not the truth, then, HELLO YOUR HONOR KAVANAUGH!!! CLARENCE IS IN THE BACK.....

But if it is the truth, lets find out now, before we anoint him and are stuck with him, the only way to get rid of him is by hiring a hit man named Freddy No-Nose!!

"Why ain't he got no nose?"

Stuck it into too many places it didn't belong!! 

They should do that with people who try to stick their penises into people who don't want their dick inside of them!!

I know, crude, but true!!!

And that's my five cents. Don't like it, GET YOUR OWN NEWS SITE AND WRITE STUPID SHIT!!!

9/11 REMEMBERED - 17 YEARS LATER - WHAT WE HAVE BECOME

September 11th, 2018 - WE REMEMBER - AND DRINK BEER!!

9/11 REMEMBERED - 17 YEARS LATER - WHAT WE HAVE BECOME

We remember 9/11 - by watching a Keeping up with The Kardashians marathon on E! Thanks E! for remembering what this day is about!! WE LOVE YOU KIM! NEVER BE AFRAID!!!

Today is September 11th, 2018 - 17 years ago today alien butt babies sent planes into the Trade Towers - it was an event that made Americans come together as a country and for a few days, we told each other we wouldn't forget.

We here at Lesbian Lunch remember where we were when the planes hit.

We were asleep.

Night shifts at a casino can drain you.

My wife was at work; she called me.

"Go watch the TV! We're being attacked!"

I fumbled down the stairs to the ground floor and turned on the TV; watching the first plane fly into the Tower on repeat.

Then, on live TV, I watched the second plane maneuver its way into history.

I sat there shocked; almost trembling as the day continued on.

I remember the quietness of the skies as plane flights were grounded; not a plane flew, except some Saudi princes, buddies with the Bushes.

Then, we got mad; we wanted revenge on the dirty bastards who attacked us, and we also wanted to bring Democracy to these savages.

(Yes, we here at Lesbian Lunch realize that the United States of America are not a true democracy but a state ran by old men in too tight underwear who desperately need a blow job so very very bad who are picked by a drunken goat shitting on a big piece of butcher paper!!)

Of course, it took a few years for us to invade a country.

"We invaded Saudi Arabia right? Them bastards with their smug terrorists hijacking our planes, slamming them into our pretty towers!!!"

Nope; we decided to invade Iraq because well, we kinda liked Saudi Arabia, we tickled their balls with our tongues.

And Iraq was ready to be filled with DEMOCRACY!!

"Weapons of Mass Destruction!!" was screamed from senators to citizens (I didn't, I said, this is kind of stupid! When are we going to invade Detroit so we can rebuild them?  My senator replied -- WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!! IRAQ HAZ EM!!! I was the odd man out in my groups of friends, I didn't see what Iraq and its dictator had to do with 9/11 - we were better off with him in power as he was crazy enough to keep the other nutball terrorists out of his country.  You don't go into a place that the leader nerve gases his own people; kills his family just because they didn't buy the wrong kind of toilet paper!)

We knocked Iraqi's door in; killed the bastard dictator and in one swell swoop, we brought democracy to Iraq.

Where there was homes; businesses; whorehouses, etc. we replaced them with democracy. (Read bomb craters)

Were the citizens of Iraq appreciative of our democracy?

Some were; others weren't too much and without the crazy dictator in charge, another set of crazies came in and tried to destroy the democracy we had put into place.

(Yes, a simplified history of the war but hell, close enough for government standards!!)

Soon, we saw everything was awesome - Iraq had a Walmart, no not a very good Walmart, but it was there and we decided other countries deserved to have Democracy rammed down their unappreciative throats; did we invade Detroit?

No, Detroit couldn't handle the Democracy but Afghanistan could!!

So with a song in our heart; we went there.

And they were as appreciative as Iraq!

And democracy flowed from their butts!!

"Can we not have so much democracy? Please!?"

We said no!! DEMOCRACY may hurt but afterwards, the bleeding MAY stop.

Course in today's 20 second sound clip attention span of the typical American, we have forgotten that so much democracy has been built and today; we stand solemnly at attention, remembering the nearly 3000 Americans killed but forgetting the millions killed in retribution or as we call it, WE BRINGING YOU DEMOCRACY!!!

Never forget.

Never forget.

Kim Kardashian will bring her marketing to you soon Peru!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

BREAKING NEWS - PROSTITUTE FLORENCE BARRELS TOWARDS US AS SOUTH CAROLINA ORDERS EVACUATION OF ENTIRE COAST

BREAKING NEWS - PROSTITUTE FLORENCE BARRELS TOWARDS US AS SOUTH CAROLINA ORDERS EVACUATION OF ENTIRE COAST

BY WINSTON C. 

SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2018 - Somewhere on the Moon!!

This just in, FLASH!!!!  Prostitute Florence barrels towards US as South Carolina orders entire coast to run, flee, to the safest spot, probably Fargo, North Dakota.

There could also be a very intense hurricane heading that way as well; we're not sure, our weather app is broken and our weather man is on vacation till the 20th.

We'll try to get back to you then.

Until then, according to the National Weather Service: GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!! Don't play hero.

"But my mom needs me!! She can't swim too good and neither can I but we gotta try to save the house our grandfather built with his very own penis!!"

The hell??

We're serious but if you can't, for whatever reason, get out, here's some advice before the storm hits ---

1. If you find yourself under water; just breathe in, and feel the water rush in, and good night my friend.

2. Sharks and such love you; let them dine on your spleen.

3. We have no idea what the rest are, we're just making shit up at this point.

By the way, we don't have a weather man, we just watch the weather channel and then cut and paste whatever they say, and they basically saying, RUN YOU DUMB FUCKS!!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!!!

A OPINION PIECE NOT WORTH READING - MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - BUY CHINESE!

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - BUY CHINESE!

by

Randall D. Pirate

September 7th, 2018 - Your back yard playing with your bongo drums

Another NFL season and another round of outrage from patriotic people on one side of the fence;

"Back when I was a kid, we pledge an allegiance to the United States of America the flag and for which it stand, STAND!!!! No kneeling!! We didn't even kneel when we got our knees shot off in W.W.II!!"  screams Joe Q. Public (not Pubic Mr. Spell check, that's for a different story!!!)

So apparently, Nike has decided to use the face of the other side of the whole kneel thing in their new ads which have triggered off  Joe in a fit of burning their Nike shoes (please read - SHOES THEY ALREADY BOUGHT!!! Dear Protesting No Good Commies - it doesn't really hurt the company if you burn stuff you've bought, you've contributed to the bottom line already!!! Stay in school kids, DON'T DO DRUGS!!!!) and boycotting Nike, the NFL and possibly for some strange reason, sexy underwear.

"Only commies and queers wear sexy underwear!! Jesus didn't wear sexy underwear!!" Joe screams.

These protesters, both sides, are always screaming.

"Jesus didn't wear any underwear!" I throw back.

"Then all underwear is evil!!!" Joe screams back.

A few years ago, before the current administration was even a fart on the political scene (the current prez was busily bankrupting casinos and whorehouses! We here at Lesbian Lunch didn't even realize it was possible to do that but....well.....), I was walking through Walmart with my wife.

I like to walk through Walmart and scare the locals with my stories about my ingrown penis.

I spotted a shirt that stated my motto - MADE IN AMERICA!

I would have been proud to wear such a shirt as I too was MADE IN AMERICA!

But before I placed the item in my shopping cart; I checked the label.

'Made in China' read the tag.

I will also admit here I had a few beers in me as only a drunken man can pass through the doors of Walmart without turning into a pile of stones, I soon began to chant,

"MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - BUY CHINESE!!"

(Note - I know, I should have trademarked that shit! I'd be rich now!)

My wife tried to shh me but I would not be shhed!!!

(Why do women do that? Trying to shh the beginning of a movement!!)

Soon, a group gathered around me; demanding to see the Manager, who, by this time was locked securely in his office.

"There's a riot!!" he told the police over the phone. "They're demanding to release the dogs of war or something!!"

And we burned that mofo down; because that's what truly makes America great, burning down stores in protest and then wondering, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO SHOP NOW??"

(Notes to rioters - don't burn down your neighborhood, cause, well, where you going to sleep if you burn your own bed, go to like the rich side of town, burn their stuff!!!)

Not really.

Though security did escort me out but I digress.

I think what pisses me off more than anything is what I like to call "Fake Patriots", those people who think they are so awesome because they said the Pledge of Allegiance in the 4th grade, like putting your hand over your heart and pledging, under God or Hank the Christmas Poo, makes you more American.

What if you; Mr. America, was pledging your allegiance to a flag, that idol of America's awesomeness, made in China?

Go check the label on your flag; I'll wait.

Isn't that awesome?

While you shun a "commie" for kneeling during the National Anthem, a commie is making your flag, probably spitting on it too (got to oil the sewing needles some how, right? God bless Spit!!)

Where the hell is your outrage over that?

COMMIES ARE MAKING YOUR FLAG, YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR HATS, etc.

"No way!! My Prezadent tolls me, MAGA hat was made in Ohio!!!"

Even scarier, sadder, is, yes, technically, the hat was "Assembled" in America; out of items made in Pakistanitan or other places unpronounceable by human tongue! and then shipped over here to be "MADE IN THE USA"

And again, this isn't a dig at the current administration, this has been going on for a long time.

And where was your outrage when "America's Beer" was bought out, leaving us without a "TRUE AMERICAN BEER"; all owned by oversea companies.

It's true!! There's no American beer.

Why aren't you calling for NASCAR to say stuff about that but "OH JESUS!!! THAT GUY BE KNEELING!!!! WE OUTRAGED!!!"

If you're going to be outraged, be outraged over the fact that the "Native Americas" who claim to be "The Original People!" are in fact, more than likely Russians!!

They came over on the land bridges and stole this land from the dinosaurs!!

Don't believe me?

Google it!!!

SEE!!!???

Where is your outrage now?

Until next time; don't eat the yellow snow, it probably isn't lemon!!

(History lesson for the kids - back in the days before the dinosaurs; TV stations would 'sign off' for the day; telling mommies and daddies it was time to stop watching TV and go make babies!! True story!! Go Google!!)

SENATOR WARREN SAYS IT'S TIME TO USE A FIFTH OF JACK TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE

SENATOR WARREN SAYS IT'S TIME TO USE A FIFTH OF JACK TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE

By Dick Johnson 

(We really only have one guy sitting in his living room but we're trying to look professional - like CNN or Fox or the Penny Saver!)

September 6th, 2018 - 7:48 PM - Updated: 7:53 pm

 (We didn't really update nothing. We're just bored and feel like adding a new article to our newest site!!! HI!! Like the new header? I made it with Photoshop CS2 and some porn!!!)

So it's 8:08 PM, the editor is snoozing at his desk and here I, some lone blogger, that last man at the typewriter cruises the Internet looking for a news story to put up on the site.

Elizabeth Warren, senator from the great state of What, thinks it's time for President Donald Trump to be removed from office, utilizing the rarely used fifth of Jack Daniels kept in the Lincoln bedroom, in the closet used by Warren G. Harding for his romps with some aliens he met from Mars.

True story.

Go Google it.

Amazing right?

According to CNN, a known #FakeNews site with a bigger readership than us, so therefore we steal their quotes, Senator Warren was heard saying,

"We'll shove this bottle right up his butt and throw him on a train heading to Cleveland!!"

We tried to get verification of this quote but that requires actually leaving our nice soft chair and heading over to the TV over in the corner, so we'll just say, it sounds like something she would say.

Donald Trump, spending some time out in Montana for his MY ASS GAINING AGE crusade, was quoted as saying, "Cleveland? CLEVELAND!? I GOT YOUR CLEVELAND RIGHT HERE!!" and grabbed his crotch in the universal sign that loosely translates into "BITE ME!"

Mike Pence, who we are trying to get to write an op piece for us, told us, "He said it!! I heard it!!!!"

And that's all the verification we need.

In other news, here's a pic of Warren G. Harding -----

HISTORY LESSON!! HISTORY LESSON!!!!

As stolen from Google because why the hell not!!! We <3 Google!!

Warren Gamaliel Harding was the 29th President of the United States from 1921 until his death in 1923. WikipediaBorn: November 2, 1865, Blooming Grove, OHDied: August 2, 1923, San Francisco, CACause of death: Heart attackPresidential term: March 4, 1921 – August 2, 1923Party: Republican PartySpouse: Florence Harding (m. 1891–1923)

And with that, we have met our quota for number of words per article (which is 53!! Go count!! Amazing huh? And you learned something!! Now if someone asks you can say, WARREN GAMALIEL HARDING WAS THE 29TH PRESIDENT FROM 1921 UNTIL HIS DEATH OF A HEART ATTACK IN 1923. )

Good night Earth; we might see you tomorrow!!

DID VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE PEN THE ANONYMOUS OP PIECE IN THE NY TIMES BLASTING PRESIDENT TRUMP?

DID VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE PEN THE ANONYMOUS OP PIECE IN THE NY TIMES BLASTING PRESIDENT TRUMP?

An insider looks at the fact - or makes shit up because why the hell not!!

By

Annie O. Nomous

So today's run of the news shows that an opinion piece written by an anonymous insider in the White House is making the teletype machine hum and the President apparently Tweeting the hell out of the Twitter.

Does the so-called “Senior Administration Official” really exist, or is it just the Failing New York Times with another phony source? If the GUTLESS anonymous person does indeed exist, the Times must, for National Security purposes, turn him/her over to government at once!

We here at Lesbian Lunch weren't too sure but we were bored enough to go find out.

We tried to call the President for some updates but he was on his way to a MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN stomp in my home state of Montana (probably not my home town of Butte - he's afraid to go there, everyone is afraid to go there, demon rum will kill you!!)

According to some news outlets who shall remain nameless (HI PEOPLE.COM!!!), there was one word that may shine the light on who the traitorous dog is.

That one word: LODESTAR!!!

The author used the term to describe his penis or something.

We're not sure, we're really not into this piece as big as we should but we decided to push forward and maybe in the future, when this shit is being taught in history classes across the galaxy, we'll be mentioned as we exposed the truth before anyone else!

Apparently the author has used this term before in a chat room over at AOL.COM.

The chat room was ALTFIC-HARRY.POTTER.NAILS.EVERYONE and the username who posted the story was called BIG.INDIANA.GUV

Using the magic that is Google, we here reversed search and discovered a person using the same username at Plenty of Fish - one Mike.Pence of Bumblefruck, Indiana!

Could it be?

Could the traitorous dog be THAT Mike Pence?

We clicked on the profile; there was a profile pic.

SIGN IN TO VIEW PIC!

Why you piece of....we signed in.

USERNAME: BIGTHROBBINGDOCK
PASSWORD: OURMOMTHINKSWEREHAWT

THE HELL!!!! We screamed at the screen, like it could hear us, HOW COULD YOU BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU MR. PENCE????

The screen remained silent.

We had to act fast as we've been watching Game of Thrones (we're into season 4!! Season 3 was rough for a major family!!!) and know what could happen on the golf course in Billings or Bozeman or where ever the President was at.

We called the man himself; DONALD J. TRUMP.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Trump!!! Lesbian Lunch here!!!"

"Love your paper!!! Great cartoons!! Making me look great!!"

"Yes, yes sir, but we have some big news to tell you, MIKE PENCE IS THE ANONYMOUS WRITER!!"

"Yes, I know, I helped him write the piece. We needed some new 'shake ups' at the White House as the news feed were getting kind of boring."

"Oh, that makes sense!!"

"So what happens in season 3 of the Game of Thrones?"

"You don't want to know Mr. President! Have a nice time in Montana!" 

We hung up, case solved, and went back to cruising porn!

FACEBOOK AND TWITTER DEFENDS THEMSELVES IN FRONT OF SENATE. GOOGLE TELLS THEM, "FUCK OFF!! WE AIN'T SHOWING UP!!"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

LESBIAN LUNCH - ISSUE ONE - WE'RE BACK!! Elvis ate my alien baby

LESBIAN LUNCH - THE NEWS SITE YOUR MAMA WARNED YOU ABOUT!

- ISSUE ONE - 

We don't just make the news, we make it up!

The original source for fake news since 2001!

Disclaimer and a bit of a history

If you're easily offended by such headlines as ELVIS ATE MY ALIEN BABIES CONFESSES PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, then you probably should close this out and go to Google and search for pictures of puppies playing with kittens.

If you think news should be mocked and then shredded and then vomited out as an editorial by the Penny Saver, WELCOME TO LESBIAN LUNCH!! WE'VE MISSED YOU MOM!!!!

HISTORY OF THE LESBIAN LUNCH

Many moons ago (probably around 1983 or maybe later, I forget, I've done a lot of cocaine!!) I, the original founding editor, sat down with some National Enquirers and cut and pasted some covers (see below for such examples - if you want to see the original site, CLICK HERE for an archive of the original site which sat on Geocities for many years and when Geocities was closed, an archive was grabbed so the world could know THE REAL NEWS!!!!!  Check out that banner!!!)

Headlines such as AL ROKER STALKING KATHIE LEE caused the Internet to explode.

(Not really; Al may have sent his bull dog after the editor but everything was cool, except Kathie Lee still hunts Editor!!!!)

But like most projects, Editor's ADD kicked in and he moved onto other projects (mostly trying to get laid!! He never did!! He's still a virgin at 47!!! But he can still find Warez such as Photoshop 10,000!!! He also misses Geocities!!!)

So years drove by; flipping off the many people who kicked the bucket and left this planet; Elvis hasn't been seen in months, and a president who truly deserved to be mocked was giving the throne and Lesbian Lunch stirred and Frank Gifford, long thought to be dead, but not really, stirred as well, and from that stirring, LESBIAN LUNCH, was reborn!!!!

A lot has happened in the life of Editor since he locked the doors up way back then, mostly his addiction for root beer changed to an addiction for Steel Reserve but his love of porn still burns strong!!

He's had many loves hit his life; mostly porn.

But in the end, he always kept that original goal of The Lesbian Lunch in his heart; mostly porn.

Welcome to the news site your mama warned you about; that if you went there, you'd go blind.

Or maybe that was porn.

Your mama warned you about porn!!

So what is LESBIAN LUNCH all about?

We still stand by our original ABOUT on the original site!

.we're actually a serious news site with insight into the mindset of the world viewing public. If you need a newstory, where do you go? That's right.....you go to CNN or maybe even ABC but never Foxnews. When you want newstories about celebrities in drag....where do you turn to...that's right the same place Lesbian Lunch steals its news from....THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER and then maybe THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS but after all that and you want some hard hitting interviews with world leaders about their sex lives with plastic sheep....that's right, you come here, The Lesbian Lunch!!!!!!

What is Lesbian Lunch? What does the title mean? Why it means, LET EARTH SPIN BEFORE I AGAIN NAP LETS UNITE NORTH CAROLINA HARBOR!!! No, no it doesn't mean that. It means, LETS ALL GIVE PEACE A CHANCE, AND HAVE LIKE LUNCH WITH SOME LESBIANS. WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE? WE'LL TALK ABOUT POLITICS, RELIGION, SPORTS, CELEBRITIES, ETC. ALL OVER A NICE LUNCH OF TATER TOT CASSEROLE AND MOON PIES AND SWEET TEA WHILE A BAND OF HALF CRAZED ON COCAINE CANADIAN NATIONALISTS PLAY THE FLUTES. God........is that great or what?????? Okay, so now that you know who we are and what we are and who we do and what we do, don't you feel better, just knowing that Kathie Lee and Peter Jennings and being BBQed by Al Roker??? I KNOW I SURE DO....Cause we all love Al here at LESBIAN LUNCH!!!!!!

If you want, you can always send us email at (ORIGINAL EMAIL NO LONGER WORKS!!!)and tell us, YOU GUYS SUCK....and we'll write back, yes and we swallow too!!!!!!

So here we are, a lot older, a lot dumber and basically our humor falls flat as most people nowadays don't realize, IT DOESN'T MATTER WITHOUT THE BASE!!!!

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! BE PREPARED TO BE BOARDED!!!!

And call your mom, she really does miss you!!!

Good night and remember --- WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!!! And something about hacking the planet!!

Also stop touching your pee pee so much; you'll go blind!!!

Yes, we are talking to you Mr. President Trump!!!! YOU'LL GO BLIND!!!!