LESBIAN LUNCH - THE NEWS SITE YOUR MAMA WARNED YOU ABOUT!
- ISSUE ONE -
We don't just make the news, we make it up!
The original source for fake news since 2001!
Disclaimer and a bit of a history
If you're easily offended by such headlines as ELVIS ATE MY ALIEN BABIES CONFESSES PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, then you probably should close this out and go to Google and search for pictures of puppies playing with kittens.
If you think news should be mocked and then shredded and then vomited out as an editorial by the Penny Saver, WELCOME TO LESBIAN LUNCH!! WE'VE MISSED YOU MOM!!!!
HISTORY OF THE LESBIAN LUNCH
Many moons ago (probably around 1983 or maybe later, I forget, I've done a lot of cocaine!!) I, the original founding editor, sat down with some National Enquirers and cut and pasted some covers (see below for such examples - if you want to see the original site, CLICK HERE for an archive of the original site which sat on Geocities for many years and when Geocities was closed, an archive was grabbed so the world could know THE REAL NEWS!!!!! Check out that banner!!!)
Headlines such as AL ROKER STALKING KATHIE LEE caused the Internet to explode.
(Not really; Al may have sent his bull dog after the editor but everything was cool, except Kathie Lee still hunts Editor!!!!)
But like most projects, Editor's ADD kicked in and he moved onto other projects (mostly trying to get laid!! He never did!! He's still a virgin at 47!!! But he can still find Warez such as Photoshop 10,000!!! He also misses Geocities!!!)
So years drove by; flipping off the many people who kicked the bucket and left this planet; Elvis hasn't been seen in months, and a president who truly deserved to be mocked was giving the throne and Lesbian Lunch stirred and Frank Gifford, long thought to be dead, but not really, stirred as well, and from that stirring, LESBIAN LUNCH, was reborn!!!!
A lot has happened in the life of Editor since he locked the doors up way back then, mostly his addiction for root beer changed to an addiction for Steel Reserve but his love of porn still burns strong!!
He's had many loves hit his life; mostly porn.
But in the end, he always kept that original goal of The Lesbian Lunch in his heart; mostly porn.
Welcome to the news site your mama warned you about; that if you went there, you'd go blind.
Or maybe that was porn.
Your mama warned you about porn!!
So what is LESBIAN LUNCH all about?
We still stand by our original ABOUT on the original site!
.we're actually a serious news site with insight into the mindset of the world viewing public. If you need a newstory, where do you go? That's right.....you go to CNN or maybe even ABC but never Foxnews. When you want newstories about celebrities in drag....where do you turn to...that's right the same place Lesbian Lunch steals its news from....THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER and then maybe THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS but after all that and you want some hard hitting interviews with world leaders about their sex lives with plastic sheep....that's right, you come here, The Lesbian Lunch!!!!!!
What is Lesbian Lunch? What does the title mean? Why it means, LET EARTH SPIN BEFORE I AGAIN NAP LETS UNITE NORTH CAROLINA HARBOR!!! No, no it doesn't mean that. It means, LETS ALL GIVE PEACE A CHANCE, AND HAVE LIKE LUNCH WITH SOME LESBIANS. WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE? WE'LL TALK ABOUT POLITICS, RELIGION, SPORTS, CELEBRITIES, ETC. ALL OVER A NICE LUNCH OF TATER TOT CASSEROLE AND MOON PIES AND SWEET TEA WHILE A BAND OF HALF CRAZED ON COCAINE CANADIAN NATIONALISTS PLAY THE FLUTES. God........is that great or what?????? Okay, so now that you know who we are and what we are and who we do and what we do, don't you feel better, just knowing that Kathie Lee and Peter Jennings and being BBQed by Al Roker??? I KNOW I SURE DO....Cause we all love Al here at LESBIAN LUNCH!!!!!!
If you want, you can always send us email at (ORIGINAL EMAIL NO LONGER WORKS!!!)and tell us, YOU GUYS SUCK....and we'll write back, yes and we swallow too!!!!!!
So here we are, a lot older, a lot dumber and basically our humor falls flat as most people nowadays don't realize, IT DOESN'T MATTER WITHOUT THE BASE!!!!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! BE PREPARED TO BE BOARDED!!!!
And call your mom, she really does miss you!!!
Good night and remember --- WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!!! And something about hacking the planet!!
Also stop touching your pee pee so much; you'll go blind!!!
Yes, we are talking to you Mr. President Trump!!!! YOU'LL GO BLIND!!!!
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