MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - BUY CHINESE!
by
Randall D. Pirate
"Back when I was a kid, we pledge an allegiance to the United States of America the flag and for which it stand, STAND!!!! No kneeling!! We didn't even kneel when we got our knees shot off in W.W.II!!" screams Joe Q. Public (not Pubic Mr. Spell check, that's for a different story!!!)
So apparently, Nike has decided to use the face of the other side of the whole kneel thing in their new ads which have triggered off Joe in a fit of burning their Nike shoes (please read - SHOES THEY ALREADY BOUGHT!!! Dear Protesting No Good Commies - it doesn't really hurt the company if you burn stuff you've bought, you've contributed to the bottom line already!!! Stay in school kids, DON'T DO DRUGS!!!!) and boycotting Nike, the NFL and possibly for some strange reason, sexy underwear.
"Only commies and queers wear sexy underwear!! Jesus didn't wear sexy underwear!!" Joe screams.
These protesters, both sides, are always screaming.
"Jesus didn't wear any underwear!" I throw back.
"Then all underwear is evil!!!" Joe screams back.
A few years ago, before the current administration was even a fart on the political scene (the current prez was busily bankrupting casinos and whorehouses! We here at Lesbian Lunch didn't even realize it was possible to do that but....well.....), I was walking through Walmart with my wife.
I like to walk through Walmart and scare the locals with my stories about my ingrown penis.
I would have been proud to wear such a shirt as I too was MADE IN AMERICA!
But before I placed the item in my shopping cart; I checked the label.
'Made in China' read the tag.
I will also admit here I had a few beers in me as only a drunken man can pass through the doors of Walmart without turning into a pile of stones, I soon began to chant,
"MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - BUY CHINESE!!"
(Note - I know, I should have trademarked that shit! I'd be rich now!)
My wife tried to shh me but I would not be shhed!!!
(Why do women do that? Trying to shh the beginning of a movement!!)
Soon, a group gathered around me; demanding to see the Manager, who, by this time was locked securely in his office.
"There's a riot!!" he told the police over the phone. "They're demanding to release the dogs of war or something!!"
And we burned that mofo down; because that's what truly makes America great, burning down stores in protest and then wondering, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO SHOP NOW??"
(Notes to rioters - don't burn down your neighborhood, cause, well, where you going to sleep if you burn your own bed, go to like the rich side of town, burn their stuff!!!)
Though security did escort me out but I digress.
I think what pisses me off more than anything is what I like to call "Fake Patriots", those people who think they are so awesome because they said the Pledge of Allegiance in the 4th grade, like putting your hand over your heart and pledging, under God or Hank the Christmas Poo, makes you more American.
What if you; Mr. America, was pledging your allegiance to a flag, that idol of America's awesomeness, made in China?
Go check the label on your flag; I'll wait.
Isn't that awesome?
While you shun a "commie" for kneeling during the National Anthem, a commie is making your flag, probably spitting on it too (got to oil the sewing needles some how, right? God bless Spit!!)
Where the hell is your outrage over that?
COMMIES ARE MAKING YOUR FLAG, YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR HATS, etc.
"No way!! My Prezadent tolls me, MAGA hat was made in Ohio!!!"
Even scarier, sadder, is, yes, technically, the hat was "Assembled" in America; out of items made in Pakistanitan or other places unpronounceable by human tongue! and then shipped over here to be "MADE IN THE USA"
And again, this isn't a dig at the current administration, this has been going on for a long time.
And where was your outrage when "America's Beer" was bought out, leaving us without a "TRUE AMERICAN BEER"; all owned by oversea companies.
It's true!! There's no American beer.
Why aren't you calling for NASCAR to say stuff about that but "OH JESUS!!! THAT GUY BE KNEELING!!!! WE OUTRAGED!!!"
If you're going to be outraged, be outraged over the fact that the "Native Americas" who claim to be "The Original People!" are in fact, more than likely Russians!!
They came over on the land bridges and stole this land from the dinosaurs!!
Don't believe me?
Google it!!!
SEE!!!???
Where is your outrage now?
Until next time; don't eat the yellow snow, it probably isn't lemon!!
No comments:
Post a Comment